Sharing Space
So I have rested, showered and eaten well. My back feels better than it has done in months and my head is clearer and more comfortable than it has been in years. It turns out there is a spa resort come meditation retreat just on our doorstep. It is free, only takes 20 seconds to get to and requires no specialised equipment. It is tailor made to suit my own particular requirements and I can take the dogs and cats. I don’t need to leave the horses unattended and my husband can come and visit me whenever he feels he needs a hug. And the best bit is that I can have top up sessions any time I want.
I’ve been sitting here for an hour trying to put into words what it is that I learned over the four days, what is was that came together in the last 30 minutes with Hazel and Pollyanne and I have been at a loss. The truth is that I still don’t fully understand it myself and that it may be forever impossible to put into words. What I do know is that horses are always ready to be deeply connected to us, but they express that connection in a way that most humans probably do not understand. It took me four days to sense the almost invisible but constant stream of connection that they are ready to share. I don’t know how I felt it or what is really is but from now on I know that I merely need to share space with the girls in order to speak their language of connection.
When I went back out to say hi to Hazel and Pollyanne after having some much needed sleep on the couch Hazel did not come running over to me, Pollyanne barely lifted her head but I didn’t mind in the slightest. The relief of knowing that I don’t need to do anything more than share space with them is wonderful. By doing this I am respecting their world, and their way of doing things and I think that there is nothing more important than that. I simply pottered around the field absorbing the peace and steadiness that emanates from horses. No expectations clouded my mind or blocked what was freely being given. As I said, I still really do not understand what this is all about but I can feel it and that is what matters.
I no longer feel that desperate need for validation, for a public display of love from either of them. I trust them and their way of being and as a result I can now trust mine. They will continue to draw me into their world and share their way of being and in the process I will continue to find myself. Maybe one day I can put it into words, but for now I am content and that is good enough.
