Getting Ready to Leave.

Last night was a night of lots of sleep, mainly for the horses.  And now they are sleeping again.  I’m sitting on a tyre in their gravel area which is attached to the field and I am realising that I am nearly finished my “Living in the Field” project.   In 4.5 hours time I will be able to go to bed, or have my lunch inside, or just sit on the couch.  I am looking forward to that but I am a little bit sad too.   Hazel has become used to the fact that I am here all the time and when I left for a toilet break a short time ago she whinnied.  From inside the house I could hear her saying “where are you?”

Hazel has never been one for hugs and big shows of affection but I am beginning to realise that doesn’t mean she has no interest in us.  I have been absolutely certain that Hazel has been very pleased to have had me around so much, but I can’t really say why I know it.  I just sense that to her it is right that I am out here, with her where I belong.  During the four days of being out here I have made very little direct contact with Hazel, preferring to adopt the etiquette of the group rather than imposing my desire to stroke and be told “I love you”.  But I have still become a lot more closely attached to Hazel.  I understand her better and I can see the little signs that are her way of say “hey, you’re not so bad”.

If there is one thing that I have learned from being out here is that  being connected or bonded to some one is not about public displays of how great you think the other some one is.  It is about sharing space, hearing the same sounds and checking in with each other to make sure it’s nothing too unusual.  It is about sheltering together, sleeping together and moving through the field together.  It is about challenging each other to make sure we all stay strong as a group, playing occasionally and having the odd scratch together.  It is about whinnying when one of the group is not there and just saying “you shouldn’t be gone, you should stay with the group.  Where are you?”.

For the last three years Hazel has been a huge source of teaching and inspiration.  There is something rock solid about her that just keeps making me bounce back when I have veered off course.  She is always there, waiting for me, waiting until I can see that I don’t need to work at bonding with her.  The bond is there, I just have to recognise it.

She is happy for me to be in her band and I wonder how she will take it when I leave again in a few hours.  Knowing Hazel she will understand and just wait for me to come back.

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